Empecé en Perú

I’ve spent the past three weeks in South America trying to reflect on my life, and why I’m deserving of such an incredible opportunity. I look around me and find myself surrounded by students from prestigiously named universities, usually Ivy League, and assess all that I know of them to maybe find similarities, commonalities, something that explains my purpose here. I haven't figured it out yet, they seem more physically fit, more emotionally stable, less likely to be wounded by this foreign air, what keeps me going is that God brought us both here. I should be doing so much while experiencing this place, exploring the city’s perimeters, hiking its mountains, and trying to really employ all my energy to making this non-profit internship experience all that it can be, but I haven’t, not in those conventional ways…


Conversing with the people who have had extended stays I don’t see a difference from any other well traveled American, I don’t see a growth, I don’t see what they really have shaped this experience to be, but that’s the beauty. Maybe my aspirations for something special were a bit unrealistic; regardless I can’t find what I’m looking for in another person’s experiences, so I wont follow their path. Sure, their language skills have grown, their popularity among a foreign community, and maybe even their resume but none of that really matters for this experience, for my experience. I came to Peru to be awakened by another culture, another place, and to be taken in another direction.

When I created this blog, I found my shiny new compass, pointing me in directions neither cardinal, positive, or negative. Instead this compass has been forged by something ethereal, something divine, but most importantly something authentic to my character. As for its guiding properties, they have manifested in so much more than an arrow pointing in one direction. This compass has been forged with heart and has taken the role of guiding me: not by my goals, or my loved ones aspirations for me, but by my hearts desire, whatever that is. It’s almost intuitive, lets hope that the experiences form here on out take on the qualities of my compass, ethereal and all.

I’ve been really emotional, but I said goodbye to bad days, so today my tears are part of a training, one where the increase in strength can't be visually quantified. I always dream of being an icon, a vision of strength for those not strong enough yet, so with these tears ill cry for those who are hoping to be strong. I have the most supportive environment regardless of its foreign nature, the love here is thick. God always allows me to attract love into my life, I'm just learning to access it from unconventional sources. I saw a fellow volunteer crying yesterday, never did I think seeing her face like mine would be so comforting, so humanizing. The other schools make it seem so easy, as if it were all part of the process and easy to overcome, I guess that’s only because they have reminders of home in each other.

I call my mom, I call Brent, but the loneliness isn't quelled the feelings of being afar are only exacerbated by these calls. The support FSU gives me helps, but these feelings are too personal to try to use my academic resources as an outlet. People say its not good to hold things in, I disagree, how can people challenge themselves to deal with more, handle more if they let everything they have go. I'm trying to let this experience make me humbled, appreciative, because I refuse to be bitter. I constantly remind myself that steel is forged through fire and like it I will be stronger after this burning subsides.

Love, Peace, and Optimism

Matthew