Confused ---'--"-->Clarity?

Machu Picchu – THE Experience

Finally, the most historical part of this experience, and surely the most renown was well worth the wait and the climb. This place could not be compared to any person, or any other experience. Through the massive amounts of stonewalls, rooms, and even houses I realized how this extremely old civilization was extremely advanced. Even though, as far as I know, I hold no Peruvian ancestry I connected with how advanced this group of humanity was. In seeing the strength, the thought, and the sheer beauty, through this architecture of this place I felt connected to something that was a part of me but also so much larger than me, this place renewed me faith in others. Sharing this experience with other volunteers, who exercised extreme patience with me, only made this experience all the more incredible.

Reaching Machu Picchu before the sunlight had a chance to highlight the mountainous ruins allowed me to see the calm before the awe. When the sun set on the ruins, its almost as if the ethereal haze that exists all over Peru was at a climax, that the glimpses I caught in Urubamba, Cusco, and Puno were all just insights into the most remarkable setting, Machu Picchu. This place, this moment, these people were all somehow what most people consider impossible: they were perfect.

Waynapicchu, the most physically trying thing I've engaged so far, was the most reflective and informative experience. While making my way up and down this steep mountain I learned about my insecurities and how they often manifest to affect my performance. I realized that this journey put me in my most vulnerable state but also I felt a newfound redemption when I made it. In retrospect this experience taught me a lot about a sphere of my life, physical activity; I spent too much time content in not being inclined. Now the power, the advantage, the superiority I saw in the eyes of the people who started with me and made it before me fuels me, to show myself that no domain is beyond my grasp. It wasn’t the actual people who made it but how they symbolized people who assumed the held elevated status because of some advantage they held. More importantly the power of knowing I'm commanding and controlling another aspect of my life only further makes me urn for better physical condition.

Emotional Aftermath

I spent a lifetime trying to figure out what made me unique, respected. In this experience I have met incredible people in which rapid forming relationships have been forged. Their appreciation, their enjoyment of who I am allows me to better understand what it is I offer: careful perception. Finding some of my identity in this character trait, I become increasingly critical of my social predisposition. While this quality may show careful and analytical thinking it lacks an attribute that makes me desirable as a socialite. The more I ponder about this aspect of myself the more I wondered if I contributed to a dynamic, or was I just valued as a source of information. It made me realize another desire I had, one not so physically tangible, rather than holding knowledge I would equally like to be seen as an enjoyable entity. The more acquaintances I be-friend the more I wonder if I am loosing myself, talking more than I'm observing, lending myself to a quality that in fact is counterproductive to this trait that makes me Matthew.

I realized in wanting to change my ticket departing Peru that I in fact lost a great deal of what makes me proud to be me, my independence. Instead of wallowing in pity I’ve seriously contemplated remaining for the full length of time and rediscovering what I feel like I’ve lost here. I realize expecting helps from the people close to me, although common, is just not organic to my character. While my intentions and thoughts behind departing early may be reasonable, reasoning doesn’t seem to be enough this time. I feel like the remainder of my time will be the most thought-provoking but also the most necessary. The hardest part is loosing a piece of my professional rapport in the indecisiveness behind changing my dates to remain in Peru. So while I’m seeking for answers and hoping to find the part of me I feel like I’m losing I will be committed to everything around me, Peru. These feelings of abandonment I associate with a weakness because I came here alone, knowing my loved ones had great apprehension about this experience and should expect to feel no closure or aide from those.

Reflecting one day at a time, your emotional nomad

Matthew